Her Him Me

Her.  I drove by his house this morning and saw your car parked out front.  It was at this point I realized you were not coming home, and for the first time I feel a sense of peace.  A warmth came over me, and suddenly the nausea and dizziness were gone.  I could admit to myself that you were happy.   That never made sense before this, but a smile cracked my lips, and like never before, I felt joy and pride all wrapped into one.  I was able to let go so you could find out who you really are, and that made me content. 

The long nights we had lain awake and talked about our future; our children, our hopes and dreams - they were nothing more than a gift I had been given in which I could say, I was there with her, and we were in love. I could tell the world that although a brief period in my life, I was loved by an angel.  I was wanted in fits of passion.  I was needed in times of distress and unknowing.  I gave sound advice during trials.  However fleeting, it was our time.  And he could not steal that away. 

Him.  It is so easy to say hurtful things about this man, but what would be the point?  He is the better of us two.  He is the victor, the champion.  Beautiful and cunning are his best attributes.  But nothing is stronger than the taste of his lust.  He demands you pay attention to his needs and knows if you’re straying from his grip.  He does not accept “No” as an answer, and makes sure you know when he’s not in control.  Control is what he screams as he whispers in your ear.  What he reminds you of as he caresses your neck with his sweet words, is that you are now free to run, love, spend, hurt, toil, decide, flounder, cry - all alone, and all for yourself.  His name is Freedom and his ambush is loneliness.  But he is so very beautiful.

Me.  Forgiveness flows as if God gave me too much.  I cannot contain it anymore than the shores can contain the oceans’ waves.  I may be able to hold it back for a time, but I cannot restrain its power.  I cannot diminish its strength -  and why would I?  If I have been given a measure of Grace by my Savior, of which I cannot fathom the greatness, how could I expect to hold back my meager portion?  I will never understand the sovereignty of my Lord and I enjoy being too small and simple to understand.  I take pleasure in my finite mind knowing I will never be as grand as my Redeemer.  Undeserving.  Uncommitted.  Unfulfilling.  Me.  But, I am forgiving.  Lord, always let me be forgiving. 

Jr Munoz